Ensuring trust and rapport between a coach and client
Coaching requires chemistry. No – not the kind with molecules, vials and charts of elements. I’m talking about rapport and a personal connection.
A coach and client work together on a range of issues that often involve deep conversations, exploration and vulnerability. The client needs to feel comfortable sharing and being open with the coach
Not getting the coaching job
Recently I interviewed for an executive coaching engagement and met with the client and her boss. But I did not get the job.
I was not the right coach at this time for that person. And that’s okay.
As a coach, I accept that I am not the right coach for every person. And I support right of clients to choose their best coach – one with the right chemistry.
What is chemistry in coaching?
I would explain chemistry between a coach and client as having trust and comfort. Trust allows for powerful questions, vulnerable topics and difficult conversations. It also supports the coach’s ability to hold the client accountable on agreed actions and plans.
Trust, depth and accountability lead to behavior change. Chemistry between the coach and client provide a foundation for moving the client toward the goal of the coaching engagement.
What chemistry is NOT
Chemistry enables productive development work to happen and should not imply perfect harmony or feel-good coaching.
Coaching involves overcoming habits and inertia to move to a new space and that is inherently uncomfortable. The coach and client chemistry must withstand the discomfort.
Feel-good coaching is not enough. I once joined a company and met an executive coach who was already working with a few folks. I would describe him as a ‘feel-good’ coach. Clients loved meeting with him. He shared great stories, told jokes and left clients feeling happy. But there was no substance – nothing changed – his clients did not benefit from the time. That coach was a story-teller not a people developer.
Coaches are not buddies. At another time, I witnessed a coach who had integrated himself into a team. He was coaching multiple people at different levels. His relationships turned from professional to friendly. At that point, he lost his objectivity and started using information from one coaching session with other clients on the same team. He violated his ethics by becoming overly friendly.
How companies can set the stage for chemistry
It is challenging to predict which client will click with which coach. I’ve been surprised by matches many times.
I’ve been involved in this coach/ client matchmaking from many perspectives. As an independent executive coach, I participate in the coach selection process – not always successfully as noted above.
In my past leading Talent Management for major companies, I arranged countless coaching engagements for leaders in my organization. The company can set the stage for a good match.
Steps for matching coach and client
When I arranged executive coaching engagements for leaders inside my company, I followed several steps to ensure chemistry.
First, I screened many external coaches ahead of time to create a roster of preferred coaches. That screening ensured that the coaches met professional standards and ethics and had the needed skills.
Second, I matched the needs of the leader with the strengths of the coaches on the roster and identified 2-3 who matched.
The next step involved get-to-know-you screening calls between the client and the prospective coaches. This is where the magic chemistry connection happened. The client chose the coach from those calls.
Finally, the client had an option to doing additional screening calls if the first ones did not click. Changes could also occur after the engagement started.
Conclusion
Coaching engagements are too important and expensive to waste. It is worth the time and effort to find the right chemistry match.
I enforced this approach as an internal talent management leader. Now that I work as an external coach, I still value the chemistry match – even when I don’t get the job!
