In January 2020, I ran a six-week Kindness Experiment that provided suggestions for dedicating five minutes a day to extend more kindness at work.
Little did we know that the world was about to shift due to COVID 19 and that kindness would become more important than ever.
In response, this article provides some suggestions from the Kindness Experiments on how to extend kindness to colleagues during this pandemic.
About Kindness in the Workplace
Kindness in the workplace is not a weakness and can co-exist with running a profitable business.
Through kindness, we connect as human beings, create positive energy and support each other during tough times.
Positive energy also builds engagement and loyalty. Kindness benefits employees and companies through a self-sustaining loop.
Kindness through Common Courtesy
Hopefully, you already practice common courtesy, but remind yourself that the basics still apply – even in times of crisis. Be intentional with common courtesy and notice reactions.
Smile, wave and say ‘hello’ to everyone you meet. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to everyone as appropriate – including service workers.
Greet people on your conference calls – by voice or with text chatting if available.
Reach out through Linked In and get reacquainted with someone.
Stay patient in all situations, since everyone is dealing with weirdness.
Kindness through tone of voice and body language
Monitor your voice for signs of stress and anger. Notice if you talk louder or seem accusatory. Softer voices tend to indicate kindness.
Practice using a calm and professional tone of voice during difficult conversations such planning your COVID19 response or dealing with other impacts. Find the balance of confidence and kindness.
In stressful situations, do a quick body scan. Determine where you hold your stress and how it changes your body language. For instance, your face might turn red, your shoulders might hunch, your jaw could clench. All of those reactions change your body language and could intimidate others.
On video calls, remember to use positive body language such as tilting your head or opening your hands to show that you are listening and open to discussion. This creates a platform for other people to share their opinions.
Make eye contact on video calls or from your 6 feet separation and smile to communicate warmth and human connection.
Kindness by Stopping Complaining
Complaining, like kindness, is contagious but not in a positive way.
We all experience frustrating moments and feel a release by complaining on calls or email or on social media.
Other people pile on and start complaining as well. This whips up a negativity death spiral.
Let’s break that spiral and find more positive releases for frustration – ones that will extend kindness to ourselves and others.
To stop complaining, we must slow down, consider our actions and be purposeful in what we say and do.
- Pause. Work on catching yourself before you complain. Take a breath. Use that moment to consider the outcome you want. Complaining probably will not accomplish your desired outcome, so stay silent.
- Presume innocence. Before complaining about someone else, presume innocence regarding their actions. This means that you stop and consider that they did not intend to harm you. Essentially, you give other people the benefit of the doubt. If you believe their intention is innocent, you won’t complain about it.
- Visualize your words as a hammer. Words have power. When you complain or gossip or speak harshly, your words do damage. During this week, visualize your words as a hammer. Hammers are an amazing tool that can do great good, or they can cause immense damage. Are your words a tool or a weapon?
- Laugh. Life is messy. Before you complain about something, try laughing instead. That release might help you re-frame the situation and promote kind words and actions.
- Remove yourself. If a situation deteriorates, remove yourself to avoid complaining. A bad situation will not improve with additional complaining. By removing yourself, you can focus on pausing, breathing and stabilizing your own emotions.
- Find solutions. If you find yourself constantly complaining about something, it’s time to find a solution. Take the complaining as a sign that something needs to change. The fix might take time, effort and courage. That investment of energy beats constant complaining.
Kindness by Curbing Judgmental Thinking
Judgmental thinking occurs when people rush to form opinions – usually harsh and critical ones – about people and situations. This negative approach leads to close-minded thinking and often causes destructive and harmful behavior.
The key is to recognize your judgmental reactions and consciously turn them positive.
Kindness actions to curb judgmental thinking
- Step 1: Notice. Be aware of when you are being judgmental – with colleagues, friends, family and even celebrities. This is the first step. Once you recognize your thoughts, you have the option to change them.
- Step 2: Evaluate. Once you notice a judgmental thought, evaluate it. Is it useful? Is it kind? If not, let it go or re-frame it.
- Step 3: Re-frame. Change negative judgmental thoughts into positive – or at least neutral – thoughts.
Tips for re-framing judgmental thoughts
In Step 3 for curbing judgmental thoughts, you re-frame the thought. What does that mean? How does that work?
Check out these actions that can help you re-frame judgmental thoughts.
Assume positive intent
When you start to judge someone, stop and assume that they have positive intent. Maybe their perspective and needs are different than yours, so they behave differently – but their intent is good.
If you assume that their actions are intended in a positive way, it gives you room to give them the benefit of the doubt. Remember, everyone is trying their best in life.
Interesting choice
I have found the phrase ‘interesting choice’ to be a method for taking negative judgment out of reactions. Instead of judging someone as ‘stupid’ or ‘lazy’ or ‘an as*hole’, react to their action by thinking ‘interesting choice’.
That reaction neutralizes the tone and focuses on the action without cutting down the person.
‘Interesting choice’ also works for self-judgement. If you find yourself saying ‘I am such an idiot’, stop calling yourself names. Replace the thought with ‘interesting choice’ to describe your action. This neutral statement gives you space to really evaluate what happened.
Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Imagine saying the words
If you find yourself still thinking judgmentally, imagine yourself saying your thoughts directly to the judged person.
If you are not willing to share your thought, the thought is likely a negative judgment without value and is not serving you well.
Work on curbing your judgmental thinking and free yourself from the negativity. Expand your capacity for kindness.
Other Resources for a Kindness Pandemic
Professional Development: Gretchen Rubin wrote an article called “Coping with COVID-19: Use This Time at Home to Invest in Your Work Future.” that shares excellent suggestions for professional development during isolation time.
Inspiration: The Love and Kindness Project Foundation provides downloadable art with important messages about kindness.
Science of Kindness: Article on Science of Working called Linking Emotional Intelligence and Kindness.
Six Week Kindness Experiment:
- Week 1: Common courtesy
- Week 2: Tone and body language
- Week 3: Stop complaining
- Week 4: Be inclusive
- Week 5: Life outside hierarchy
- Week 6: Curb judgmental thinking
